[Standing in the lobby of a restaurant, waiting for a table]
Me [finding some change in the pocket of my rain coat] : Here, would you like a penny?
Mom [coyly]: Is that for my thoughts?
Me [smirking]: No. Because I know you don't have any.
Mom: Why, you.....[grabs penny out of my hand and throws it with deadly accuracy into my cleavage]
Me: You are such a spaz. BUT! I have another penny! [triumphantly hold another coin up]
Mom [grabbing the collar of her coat and holding it closed while emitting an ear-piercing shriek]: AAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
[Diners turn and look at us both just as I throw the penny at my mother, which hits her harmlessly in the arm and falls to the floor with a faint jingle in the sudden silence of the restaurant.]
Mom [as soon as the diners return to their meals and conversation, in a low voice]: SUCKAH!!
I said "milk, bread, hot dogs..." - We're getting our first big snowstorm of the season tonight. Earlier today, while I was still at work, I texted Mike and said "I'll pick up the boys, but c...
1 day ago