One of those weeks

It's been a week since I've blogged, a whole week.

What have I been doing this whole, long, deep, swamp-water sucking week?

Well, I was almost in two car accidents, one which forced me to TOTALLY STEER OUR RENTAL CAR ONTO A CITY SIDEWALK to avoid being slammed in the side by a car driven by an elderly lady who could barely see over the dashboard. My heart still hasn't resumed its normal rate. Seriously. I drove on the sidewalk and back off again and didn't hit a street sign or one of those big, giant trash receptacles or a person or anything. It was: "OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!!!!! [up on the sidewalk, driving] OH SWEET MOTHER OF PEARL, SHE'S GOING TO HIT US!!!!! [driving on sidewalk, just like Kramer driving that bus and punching the bad guy and still making all the stops on that episode of Seinfeld] OH MY HELP MY HELP OH MY GOSH!!! [driving back off the sidewalk onto the road and going right into the flow of traffic]"

It was fairly dramatic.

On the plus side, Enterprise should give me a medal, or maybe even a plaque or a trophy and DEFINITELY post my picture in a sort of shrine in every single one of their locations around the United States because of my lightning-fast reflexes. I kept their car from being creamed and they should thank me.

The other near miss was upsetting and awful and involved the car my husband's place of business lent us, which decided to completely die every time I put my foot on the brake. You try driving without ever putting your foot on the brake pedal, just try it. See? See how hard that is, especially when you are driving in town and the car dies at every single stoplight and robs you of power steering and makes you almost sideswipe someone as you're making a left turn?