Signs that the apocolypse is upon us

"Every time it's so right, it feels sooo good," croons the blue bear to the tune of a sensuous soundtrack while the Missus sits on the love seat next to a romantic fire burning on the hearth, twiddling her hair bow and sending sexy, come-hither eyes his way.

Then a voice over comes on and tells us, "When you have a softer bath tissue, you can enjoy going more while still using less."

Which is when you realize that the bear is on the toilet taking a grizzly-sized crap while the little lady waits for him to finish up so that they can get back to making sweet bear love, hopefully not on that grandma-shaped rug in front of the fire. Because there is nothing that puts a girl in the mood like her lover saying, "Listen, baby, Big Daddy's gonna go lay down some stink in the bathroom, but then he's comin' back to rock your world."



These Charmin commercials have always been weird, but this one goes over into the EWWWWW territory with the music, the man-bear on the toilet getting WAY too much pleasure out of wiping his furry bottom (he actually pulls the paper off the roll and holds it to his cheek before, er...wiping) and the lady-bear sitting there all rowr!, not to mention the fact that Charmin has set up a website called EnjoytheGo.com, where we're informed that some lady named Iris H. from Alabama has been awarded the title "Queen of the Charmin Go Nation" which is the same as saying "Queen of the Crap," right? Gee, thanks.

It's all just so many kinds of wrong, it's hard to wrap your head around it.