Friday, October 10, 2008

Today I called the doctor

The perky nurse who works the phones at my doctor's office answered with a "Hi! Thanks for calling Auburn Road Family Physicians! Could you please hold?"

"Yup," I croaked and then positioned the cordless receiver between my head and the wall so that I could slip into a slight coma until she got back with me.

"Hi! Thanks for called Auburn Road Family Physicians! How can I help you?"

(I think this particular nurse paid part of her way through college by working at the Frisch's Big-Boy drive-thru.)

"I think I have a sinus infection."

"Uh-huh....what are your symptoms, sweetie?"

"Well, first of all, my whole face hurts."


"And my teeth hurt, all my top row teeth."


"And disgusting stuff is clogging up my head..."

"That sounds about right, hon!"

"And my neck even hurts, although that may because we're still sleeping at night with a huge fan blowing right on us, even though it's so cold at night I wake up with frost crystals on my eyelashes."

"Oooh, yes. You betcha!"

"And I'm so tired that I drag myself through the day waiting for bedtime and when bedtime finally gets here, I look at the clock and it turns out to be only 4:30 p.m."

"Yeah, you've got it all right!"

"And my last symptom, I find, is that when people speak to me in an excessively perky manner, I have an itching desire to staple things to their foreheads."

"Hmmm....not sure about that last one, doll! I think it's probably just a virus! Wait it out! Get plenty of liquid! Use nasal saline spray! Have a greeeaaaaat weekend! Mmmmmbye!"