Remember these? I don't think I've seen pantyhose packaged in the actual L'eggs egg form since....the night of my high school graduation? Anyway, I was just browsing through the Femail section of the U.K. Daily Mail, and I have just discovered that panty hose are OUT, a total fashion no-no. Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (the former Kate Middleton and new bride of Prince William) was excoriated with vigor in the Mail for wearing "nude tights," which the features editor severely claimed made her look "middle-aged and dated."
A couple of weeks ago, People online had an article with the breathless title "Is Kate Bringing Back Sheer Pantyhose?" which makes it sound as if she's hauling them in on a cargo ship and then driving around on a forklift in a warehouse, stacking pallets of hosiery.
I make no claims on being a fashionista, but I wasn't aware that tights, er....hose, ever went out of style. Are you telling me that businesswomen going to meetings and teachers in classrooms and female lawyers arguing cases in court, not to mention all the people going to church and funeral homes and fancy-dress dances are going to these places with bare legs? I know that our culture dresses down a lot and also that women don't wear skirts and dresses as often as they used to, but still. Still. I mean, not everyone has a perfect pair of pins that are ready to show off to the critical public eye.
What are you supposed to do with that scar you got from a bike wreck when you were fifteen? Or those veins on the backs of your knees? Or your pallid skin with variable hues that range from salt white to marble white to snow white? Well, I'll tell you: you're supposed to be smearing self-tanner on them, according to a How-To article I read on Yahoo. That way your undressed legs can go from Crayola orange to Sharpie orange to traffic cone orange, and won't that be a big improvement?
Nobody wants to wear those horrible "sun-tan" pantyhose from the seventies, but I thought the entire point of nude hosiery was to make your legs look, well, NUDE. As in, the color of your skin, with all the minor imperfections in texture and hue nicely covered up.
Why is that considered middle-aged?
If it is, then put me on the list with the duchess. When I wear skirts and dresses, I like that "nude tights" look.
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