Black Friday, in more ways than one

Good heavens. I have never been one to participate in the traditional day-after-Thanksgiving shopping spree known as "Black Friday," mostly because I hate shopping to such a degree that I feel indignant, defensive and put-upon, even when I'm in a practically empty store, sipping champagne and sitting on a sofa, while store employees do my bidding by bringing me different items that they think will please me.

That's never happened, by the way.

But today I'm listening to the news and hearing reports of a Wal-Mart store employee crushed TO DEATH when manic shoppers outside the store completely knocked the doors down; a pregnant woman sent to the hospital for observation because she was so battered in a wild, heaving crowd, she was in danger of miscarrying (later news articles are reporting that she did actually lose her baby), and two shoppers shot dead in a Toys "R" Us in California after their wives got into a screaming match. In another Wal-Mart, shoppers fought all the way down to the ground to gain possession of the remaining few X-Box 360 game consoles.

That is so crazy. I can remember in the 1980s when those hideously ugly Cabbage Patch Kids dolls were popular and mothers were screaming and yanking boxes back-and-forth between one another, trying to score a dolly in the way that meth users try to score a hit, apparently, but I can't remember people dying because the urge to get a great deal overcame their humanity.

What is wrong with people? This level of consumer greed is just freaking insane. And it's wrong on the part of the stupid stores to encourage man's inhumanity to man just to boost their sales. When we lived in New Castle some years back when the girls were tiny, there was a post-Thanksgiving sale at the local Wal-Mart that featured some redneck man PUNCHING A WOMAN for possession of a Holiday Barbie.

I've been thinking it over and I can't think of one single gift item my family wants bad enough that I would be willing to push and shove and scream and knock people down for. My philosophy is that they'll just have to deal with the disappointment and wait until January. I'd much rather pay more and live to tell the tale. Geeez.

What an awful way to start the season. I hope all those idiots are ashamed of their violent, crappy behavior. YouTube videos taken from people cell phones show them acting like frikkin' savages. And I hope the police find the people who broke down the door and killed that Wal-Mart employee and that those freaks get to spend next Christmas in prison. And I hope those two women from the Toys "R" Us are happy that they both lost their husbands because they, the women, didn't have the self-discipline to just shut up and calm down inside the store.

And oh dear God, I feel so sorry for the woman who lost her baby.