Technical difficulties

I've been at my parents' house in New Castle this afternoon so that the three teens could earn some money by mowing, digging and washing windows and the cars and it seemed like an opportune time to sit at my mother's computer and type up my reviews of this week's episodes of So You Think You Can Dance.

So I was doing that. In fact, I'd been doing that for about an hour and a half when, having reached the end of a page of my handwritten notes, I reached out with my left hand to turn the page over. In doing so, I hit some unknown button at the bottom left of the keyboard. Suddenly, everything I'd typed completely disappeared. I wasn't kicked off the internet, you understand. I never even left Blogger. It was just the post that went poooof! Gone in the blink of an eye!

I was not too worried. Blogger has a featured wherein what you're typing is saved, something like every thirty seconds. So I opened up another tab, went to my blog and guess what? The post wasn't saved. It was gone.

What IS that button I hit? And doesn't it seem impractical to have a button capable of doing so much damage right there near the edge of the keyboard where your hand might accidentally touch it? And why wasn't there that nudging message that popped up reading:

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DELETE EVERYTHING YOU JUST SPENT THE LAST NINETY MINUTES TYPING?

POSITIVE?

SERIOUSLY. YOU REALLY WANT TO DO THIS?

IF SO, CLICK "YES."

DOOFUS.

Nothing like that at all. So! I want to go back and re-do it, just because I'm the kind of compulsive person that cannot have a gap in my reviews of this show. I don't know. Really, I don't. Sometimes I think medication would help.

At any rate, I plan to get right on that as soon as I've eaten breakfast and colored my hair.

I wonder if my computer has one of those buttons? What a dreadful thought.

So You Think You Can Dance? Season 5 - Week 1 Results

The results shows are always fun because they start out with a group number. A group number that is danced is always and forever better than a group number that is sung, like on American Idol. The American Idol group sings are the stupidest things you have ever seen, reminding me personally of having to endure school convocations featuring Up With People. But the group dances are something else and this one is no exception.

The song is "Boom Boom Pow" by the Black-Eyed Peas. Lots of Black-Eyed Peas this season, it seems. We've already heard this song during the Las Vegas week callbacks, plus we heard "Let the Beat Rock" in Paris and Tony's dance last night. Hope we all don't lose our appetites. This dance is a hip-hop piece, very edgy, very sharp. It doesn't look like Tabitha and Napoleon's work, and it isn't strange enough for Wade Robson. Phillip does something cra-a-azy cool with his arms and the camera loves Kayla. Afterwards, Cat announces that Shane Sparks is the choreographer. We should have known! Glad he's back. He's kind of the flip side of TabiNapo.

(I spend a a brief moment wondering where hip-hop choreographer Dan Karaty's got to. Apparently he's going to be doing some choreography work for the show later on this season. I always like him as a judge. He's been working with So You Think You Can Dance in Canada and the Netherlands.)

Whoops! Pay attention! Cat is onstage telling us that it's time to announce the bottom three couples. She calls them up in groups of three, telling them all that she hates Thursdays. Eventually, the bottom three are narrowed down to these partners:

#2 Asuka Kondoh and Vitolio Jeune, who danced a Broadway number choreographed by Tyce Diorio to "Hot Honey Rag" from the Chicago soundtrack. What did I tell you?! Kiss of death!

#3 Karla Garcia and Jonathan Platero, who did a cha-cha choreographed by Tony Meredith to Lady Gaga's "Poker Face."

#5 Paris Torres and Tony Bellissimo, who performed a Tabitha and Napoleon hip-hop routine to "Let the Beat Rock" by the Black-Eyed Peas, as mentioned before.

The six contestants have to dance for their lives now, as the fourteen safe dancers breathlessly hug one another down in their reserved section of seats in the audience. However, before the solos start, we're going to have a special performance of the Argentine tango by Miriam Larici and Leonardo Barrionuevo.

Miriam and Leonardo dance to the song "Tangueira" from the Forever Tango soundtrack. They have incredible, sharp-as-a-knife moves, including those gancho steps, which are the kicks around one another's legs. Faaaaabulous!!! The only problem I have is that their faces are totally impassive while they're doing this extremely passionate dance. It's like their legs are saying, in a hawt Argentinian accent, "I lohve you...you are my one passion" while their heads are saying, "Did I forget to buy eggs?" Hmmm. They finish up and take a bow. Very nice.

Now it's time for the solos, which go as follows:

1. Paris Torres
Music: "It Doesn't Hurt" by Katie Thompson

Paris is floaty and does a number of leaps and pirouettes. Horrible song choice, in my opinion. She was okay, but I am not left sitting in my seat thinking, "Please please keep her." In terms of subliminal messages to the judges, this is not such a great song choice. I mean, a breakup song?

2. Tony Bellissimo
Music: "Early in the Morning" by The Gap Band

I have the strained feeling that I could get tired of Tony's humorous hip-hop really fast. For instance, there's his outfit: A doofy-looking red bow tie, clam-digger pants, striped stockings like Alice in Wonderland and big red shoes, possibly borrowed from Ronald McDonald. Ugh. Cannot take him seriously as a dancer. He doesn't do a terrible job, but I am already just kind of over him, despite the fact that he seems like a nice guy.

3. Asuka Kondoh
Music: "Did Ya" by BoA

Asuka smolders onstage in a very sassy, frothy skirt which she whisks back and forth as she shimmies around the stage. Fast feet! Is she wearing....a black bra? With a ruffly white bolero jacket over it? She looks very pretty and her dance is very smart and intriguing. Another break up song - bad subliminal messaging, Asuka!

4. Vitolio Jeune
Music: "We Belong Together" by Gavin DeGraw

Vitolio comes out in black pants with no shirt - Tony, take note. He does many high kicks and seems to invest his dance with a great deal of feeling. I like his subliminal choice of songs. "'We Belong Together,' show! Hear me, judges!"

5. Karla Garcia
Music: ("You Make Me Feel Like a) Natural Woman" by Aretha Franklin

This moldy oldie song has been done so many times on this show. I give Karla credit for picking a song that has no negative subliminal message qualities, but still. Karla does lots of pointy toes and windmilling arms. She does an absolutely twee arm-and-finger wave at the end of her minute. Oh, please do not do that anymore, Karla. It made me wince.

6. Jonathan Platero
Music: "Krazy" by Pitbull featuring Lil John

Jonathan's dance consists mostly of some footwork, plus some neat acrobatics. It's my favorite of the three male dancers.

The judges go off backstage to confer together and while we wait, we're forced to listen to some hip-hop song that is apparently "hot" right now by a big guy named Sean Kingston, whose very large blue jeans are belted completely underneath his bulging butt cheeks. Dude. Just.....dude. Anyway, that tells me all I need to know about him. We mute the television. The song is called "Fire Burning." Okay. Whatevs.

It's now time for the cuts. Ugh. It's still very early days, but I don't really want to part with any of these dancers. Nigel says that the judges' decisions are unanimous for both the boys and the girls.

Karla, Asuka and Paris are called onstage. Nigel tells Karla that she had a strong solo, but that she needs to make sure that she's actually dancing and not just doing some steps. But she is safe!

Asuka and Paris are left, quivering slightly. Nigel says that Asuka has lots of personality and is a "little star." He tells the girls that the judges consider not just what they've seen in the solos, but what they've seen along. And they also consider how many of the same type of dancers they already have in the competition. Rather abruptly, he says to Paris that her solo wasn't that strong and that they already have a great many contemporary dancers, so......it's the end of the road for her.

Paris accepts the decision gracefully, as the contestants always do on this show. Her eyes are wide open and it's obvious that she's trying to to cry, which makes me cry. We watch a montage of clips from Paris's journey set to Kelly Clarkson's "Already Gone." Ouch. By the time the cameras cut back to Paris and Cat, there are tear streaks down Paris's cheeks. Cat hugs her and whispers something in her ear. What a lovely person she seems to be.

Cat sends Paris backstage and calls the three male contestants forward. Nigel starts right in by telling them that none of the three of them danced solos that will keep them in the competition very much longer, so they'd better step it up. The three of them look absolutely stricken, making me feel that getting the boot is emotionally harder on guys than it is on girls.

Then Nigel turns to Vitolio, who looks like he's entered a territory so far beyond terrified, I wouldn't be surprised to see Nosferatu pop up behind him. Nigel sternly tells Vitolio that they have not seen. One. Bit. Of the exuberant personality Vitolio displayed at the auditions. Come to think of it, neither have I, Nigel. Oh, but wait....I didn't see very much of Vitolio in the auditions because SOMEONE kept making me watch stupid dancers or people like David Soller, who is indeed many things, but definitely not a dancer, no matter what his mother says.

Nigel tells Vitolio that he has been spared the axe and Vitolio's blood immediately rushes out of his head to crouch around his heart: He's so relieved, he looks light headed. He jumps off stage and into a big group hug. Awww.

But now we're left with Tony and Jonathan, who collectively look about four months shy of puberty. Nigel tells them again that their solos were not strong. Then he does one of those incredibly manipulative Property Ladder pauses: "We are keeping.......[wait for it]...................[wait a little more]..........[longer!]....Jonathan."

Tony looks crushed and Cat gathers him up, murmuring something about how things have only just begun. His video montage shows several shots of him sobbing at points during the audition process; he was the one who made me wonder if he was emotionally strong enough to deal with the pressure of the competition. His swan song is "On Your Own" by Green River Ordinance.

Cat ends the show will some cheerful words about tuning in next week, and all the safe dancers pour onstage to love bomb Tony and Paris, both of whom are tearful. Wrenching! *sob!*

See you next week!

So You Think You Can Dance? Season 5 - Week 1 (Top 20)

It took me a long time to get this posted because I had to lie down for awhile after taking about six Tylenol: I had a powerful headache from all Mary's screaming. She's a doll and I love her critiques both good and bad, plus I appreciate the way the dancing can move her emotionally, but whoooooaaaaaaaaa. Mary was LOUD last night.

There was a sign of grave portent as the show was coming on, warning me that it was going to be loud and screechy; some unseen girl in the audience was shrieking like an air horn as the live show was coming on, over and over and over and over again. Security! Stop the squealing!

Things start off with the beauteous Cat Deeley coming out to greet us wearing....what? What is that? It's a dress that is kind of silky, kind of lacy, kind of chiffony and kind of braidy, with a big spiderweb on the front and lots of large jewels bedazzled onto the bodice. It looks like a 4-H clothing project gone sadly awry. Byuck.

As soon as I can drag my attention away from that revolting and distracting garment from hell, I realize that Cat is telling is that we're going to see how everyone made it to the Top 20. There's a montage of all the dancers set to The Fray's song "You Found Me," and I swear, does ANYBODY ever listen to the lyrics of songs anymore? Yes, the title of the song fits in with the whole kids-came-and-danced-and-proved-their-talent-was-genuine-so-we-the-judges-chose-them, but nothing else does. Here, have a look:



Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me



I'm thinking this tune is more appropriate to be the theme song of the hundred-and-some kids who didn't get chosen to be on the show. But maybe that's just me.

There's a bunch of talk back and forth between Cat and the three judges for this evening, who are Nigel Lythgoe, Mary Murphy and Adam Shankman. They all look bright-eyed and happy. And then we're off with Cat telling us that Phillip and Jeanine are going to be up after the break.

1. Jeanine Mason (contemporary)/Phillip Chbeeb (popping)
Dance style: Hip-hop
Choreographed by: Tabitha and Napoleon D'umo
Music: "Mad" by Ne-Yo

Tabitha and Napoleon's choreography rarely disappoints, which is a strange thing for me to be saying because they do hip-hop routines, which is a dance style I never expected to like. But anyway, their charm is infectious, and they tell the audience from the studio that this dance will be a about a couple who are angry with one another and can't go to sleep until their differences are resolved. The scene opens with Phillip and Jeanine lying on their backs, side by side on the stage floor, looking irritable. Lots of spinning, popping and lifting ensues; it's a nice piece. I can feel the emotion. My only quarrel with the piece is that Phillip and Jeanine aren't dancing in pajamas. Wouldn't that have made sense? There's a spoony ending; very sweet. Adam calls it "Un-freakin'-real!" and Mary shouts that she hates to disagree with Adam, SO SHE WON'T. I saw that one coming, didn't you? She also says that they've given us a "chemistry lesson." Nigel calls them "fabulous." It was a great opening to the show.

But then, uh-oh....

2. Asuka Kondoh (Latin ballroom)/Vitolio Jeune (contemporary)
Dance style: Broadway
Choreographer: Tyce Diorio
Music: "Hot Honey Rag" from the Chicago soundtrack

Broadway. Oh dear. That's the one with the capering and frolicking and the heee-yooooge smiles. In the annals of So You Think You Can Dance, Broadway numbers have taken out quite a few talented kids. If you could picture the Grim Reaper with his cloak and scythe doing spirit hands as he delivers the kiss of death to a dance style, Broadway would be the one. Anyway, this number features Vitolio as an old-fashioned film director. He's got kind of a Charlie Chaplin thing going on. Asuka is the "actress," dressed like Morticia Addams auditioning for a movie role. She somehow manages to make her awkward costume work. Oh dear. Oh dear. They're both adorable, but Broadway....I am filled with misgiving.

3. Karla Garcia (jazz/contemporary) /Jonathan Platero (salsa)
Dance style: Cha-cha
Choreographer: Tony Meredith
Music: "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga

Karla and Jonathan start out their number with a strobe light -- aaaaaaahhhhh, my eyes! There, that's better. Jonathan looks to be about twelve years old in his meshy male dancer shirt. Kayla's wearing a saucy little white and black frock. Maybe she'd be better dressed in a cougar costume, with a ear'd headband? Anyway, they're pretty good, despite the age discrepancy. I sense that many of Jonathan's dreams are being fulfilled right now. He does some a sliding split maneuver through Kayla's legs that is actually rather spectacular. I think they're good! Cat cheekily refers to Our Little Man as "Jon-jon-shake-your-bon-bon" as he and Kayla approach the judges. Will she ask him next if he has to make a peepee? The judges were very enthusiastic; Mary very screamy. Kayla was led away in handcuffs by some police officers. No, really, I just made that last part up. Mary makes some remarks about Jonathan's hotness and she is cuffed as well. Okay, I made that up, too, but Mary was being a little creepy and I was driven to it.

4. Randi Evans (jazz) /Evan Kasprzak (Broadway)
Dance style: Jazz
Choreographer: Tyce Diorio
Music: "I Only Have Eyes for You" by Jamie Cullum

Yowza!! Vereeee sexeeee. Since Randi pointed out that she is married, I feel like I'm watching something inappropriate. Their dance is well done, though, very romantic and pretty. As the two of them are being judged, Adam points out that they are both very short -- Cat is towering over them like a ponderosa pine over a couple of apple trees -- but they "danced like they're eight feet tall." Mary yells out a great big train-whistley Woooooooooooooooooo, but it isn't the famous Hot Tamale Train that's a-pullin' into the station; it is possibly the Red Bull Express coming to take her away. They are smoldering! she gushes. Fluid! BELIEVABLE! (Does Randi's husband need to seek legal counsel?) I am so overwhelmed by the forcefulness of Mary's critique, I can't remember what Nigel said.

5. Paris Torres (contemporary)/Tony Bellissimo (hip-hop)
Dance style: Hip-hop
Choreographers: Tabitha and Napoleon D'umo
Music: "Let the Beat Rock" by The Black-Eyed Peas

This should be good because hip-hop is Tony's style and it would be hard to go wrong with TabiNapo. Regardless of Tony's hip-hop talents, Tabitha and Napoleon tell him he looks too "nice." Tony practices what he calls his "stank face," and I begin to feel a moment of misgiving. My eighty-six year old step-gran has a better stank face than that. Tony is coming off like a seventh grader who wants so badly to be taken seriously as a man, but is still just too cute with the puppy-dog eyes and the rosy round cheeks. When Paris and Tony come out, they are dressed in the worst costumes. Tony appears to have stolen his jacket from Ace Frehley's closet. There's just a lot going on, including a pair of black PVC pants for Paris. This is just never a good look, especially when paired with clumpy sneakers. They both look really silly. The dance is okay. Adam likes it. Mary and Nigel feel that they were both just "doing steps." Nigel wittily adds that Tony's "stank stank." I'm thinking "bottom three."

6. Caitlin Kinney (contemporary)/Jason Glover (lyrical/contemporary)
Dance style: Bollywood
Choreographer: Nakul Dev Mahajan
Music: "Jai Ho" from the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack

Oooh, this is more like it. LOVE the Bollywood, it is so fun to watch. The costumes are great and Caitlin and Jason look like they're really into it and having fun. In their pre-dance interviews, they both talked about how Bollywood is so intricate, with the hands, the feet, the exact angle of their heads...It appears that they've put their rehearsals to good use. Caitlin does do an ungainly handstand that has her exposing her hoo-ha; not so crazy about that. But she does it well, with the legs and the feet dancing along without her while she is upside down and lost in her skirt. They have lots of energy and make a nice couple. Adam hollers, "YOU GUYS ROCKED!" Mary, who is looking a little frazzled, shouts, "I'm glad Bollywood came to Hollywood, YES I AM!!!!" Oh dear. Mary, I love you, but you simply must shut up. Once again, I miss Nigel's commentary, although I do catch him flinging his arms in the air and shouting, "JAI HO!" Er...namaste, Nigel. Now hush.

7. Janette Manrara (salsa)/Brandon Bryant (contemporary)
Dance: Fox trot
Choreographer: Louis van Amstel
Music: "Come Fly with Me" by Michael Bublé

Oh, my....They are a gorgeous couple. Jeanette, a Cuban salsa dancer from Miami, looks gorgeous in a candy-floss pink sparkly gown. Brandon looks beyond incredible in black pants, white shirt and black vest with a pink pocket square that matches Jeanette's dress. They confide in their interview that doing the fox trot is actually hard. "I don't feel like Ginger Rogers," says Jeanette, looking nervous. "I just feel like....Jeanette from Miami." They swoop about the stage and if you ever thought that the fox trot was some dull dance that your grandparents did out on the dance floor at the club, well, you'd best think again. (Self, I'm looking at you.) There is an amazing lift, with Brandon effortlessly carrying Jeanette over his head, upside-down and twirling. They are soooo good. After we hear Adam's excited critique, Cat asks Mary to "give us an eyebrow"; Mary, in a moment of rare humor, says "I can't anymore because of Botox." Heh. That was a good one, girl.

8. Ashley Valerio (contemporary)/Kuponohi'ipoi "Kupono" Aweau (lyrical/contemporary)
Dance: Jazz
Choreographer: Wade Robson
Music: "Felt Mountain" by Goldfrapp

Glad to see Wade back this season -- we missed him in Season 4. He's done one of his strange, fun pieces for us, of course, and the concept is "crash test dummies" falling in love. Kupono is an older dummy who's been through a lot: his blade hands are trembly and he has a tire tread mark across his chest. Ashley is new on the job and she is awed by his experiences. She comes onstage, moving like a marionette (thankfully, not like a robot) with a little crash test dog. We watch the two dummies fall in love and eventually run backstage, hand-in-hand, where we hear a large CRASH. A tire comes rolling out and loses its hubcap. All must be well in the land of crash test dummies. This dance is sweet and quirky, but I am put off it by the music, which is that bloopy, bleepy atonal stuff that I automatically associate with Wall-E, one of my most hated movies ever. Nigel says that Wade is a genius and that it wasn't just the dancing that was good; the characters were good. I do agree, but this is not my personal favorite.

9. Melissa Sandvig (ballet)/Ade Obayomi (c0ntemporary)
Dance style: Comtemporary
Choreographer: Mandy Moore
Music: "Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx

Mandy starts out by telling us that this is a dance about falling in love -- "that first time you look at each other and just know" -- but she has them dancing to this song about unrequited love? I don't get it. Plus, this song was popular when I was in my twenties. It's not a standard like "Come Fly with Me" and it's never going to be, and it isn't aged enough otherwise to be a memorable golden oldie. It's just a tired old song, even though it was one I liked way back when in the days of the westward expansion. Odd choice. Anyway, Ade and Melissa do some amazing lifts and bends and twirls....it's really a beautiful dance. They are so graceful. Surprisingly, Adam is all teared up by it and calls it "special." He also says that Melissa, who is twenty-nine, is "getting better with age." Like she ought to be wearing support hose and tottering along with a cane? Nigel says it's great to have a ballerina on the show. Mary must have passed out under the judges' table because I recorded no comment from her in my notes.

10. Kayla Radomski (jazz/contemporary)/Maksim "Max" Kapitannikov (Latin ballroom)
Dance style: Samba
Choreographer: Louis van Amstel
Music: "Jum Bah Day" by House of Gypsies

Quite simply, Max and Kayla just look like they were created to dance together. Their smokin' hot samba nearly catches the stage on fire. Kayla is wearing this great fringed pink dress, reminiscent of a flapper's garb, but she is workin' it in a way the Lindy hop never could. There is one maneuver in the dance that has Kayla astride Max (they are both standing up, but still...) and it doesn't meet with my approval. Church lady! But other than that, it is fast and furious and really fun to watch, all bendy and twirly with the great music. Adam looks like he has a migraine, his hands plastered to his face: "That was SO GOOD" he yelps. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?" Mary brings out the Hot Tamale Train and gets so unwound, I fear for her. I think the stage hands may have to sop her up with shop towels and send her home in a bucket.

That wrapped up the evening!

Bottom three predictions:

#2 Asuka and Vitolio
#5 Paris and Tony
#8 Ashley and Kupono

So You Think You Can Dance? Season 5 - Las Vegas Top 20

After Wednesday night's confusing hash of a second auditions show at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas, I felt we all deserved something a little less frazzled. Because heaven knows the Top 20 picks are tense enough without having to deal with a bunch of goofy stuff from the producers.

Thankfully, we got a pretty straightforward evening with a few surprises, some pleasant, some unpleasant.

Things opened up right away with Janette, a spunky, feisty dancer who confided that this has been just about her most stressful week ever, coming right on top of her boyfriend of four years breaking up with her, and the car wreck she was in, not to mention having to move back in with her mom. Yikes. She could use some good news, methinks. And the news is good! She's made it into the Top 20! Janette starts babbling her thanks, mentioning the boyfriend and the break up, until she finally gets a grip and goes off to jump through the backstage curtain shrieking, "I'm in!"

The next girl, Diana, wasn't so fortunate, in spite of the fact that she was carrying her lucky monkey. For a brief moment, it seems like she's going to be one of the chosen ones, but then she's let down with a bump. Tears commence to fall and she leaves the stage whimpering. I hate it when they do that - makes me cry, too.

Now we see our first boy, an energetic Vitolio, who informs us that he's so nervous, he's been having "diarrhea moments." TMI, Vittolio! I would rather picture you executing athletic dance moves than crouching over a toilet with a pained expression on your face. Vitolio is from Haiti, and was raised by his grandmother until she grew too poor to support him and his brother. He spent the remainder of his childhood in an orphanage, and somehow got to the United States and learned to dance and ended up here in Las Vegas...how? I don't know, but I assume that we'll find out at some point. Because he made the Top 20!

After Vitolio makes a run for the men's room, a montage of disappointed dancers begins to roll and Cat says on a voice over that for the next half hour, things are very bad. The judges cite the need for more dance experience, more training. Cat busies herself commiserating with the Unchosen Ones, hugging and comforting and encouraging them to keep their chins up. She's such a lovely girl.

Next up is Kayla, she of the adorable and supportive Nana and Papaw. It's Mia's turn to be the one to break the news, so she starts in on how much she loves male dancers, how she just really connects with them (I just bet she does. Or at least tries) and she's saying all this about men and their consummate danciness while Kayla is patiently standing there thinking, "What is this COW rambling on and on about?" Oh, wait. That's what I was thinking. Finally, Mia manages to grope her way to her point, which is that she, Mia, really feels connected to Kayla, even though Kayla is not a man. Errrmm....Credit to Kayla for not running screaming from the auditorium: she has obviously sensed that if she flees, Mia might chase her down. Mia, with what is supposed to be a friendly smile but which looks more like the bared fangs of a jackal, says she "can't wait" for Kayla to be a part of the show; she part of the Top 20. Okay! (Kayla, watch your back, hon.)

Kapono comes before the judges next, and for the first time, I note that he's done something to that whacky hair because now it doesn't look like Mia's anymore. We see a brief film clip of him making an obsessive list, and I really wish the producers would cut it out, because Kapono is so nervous and trying to be so bright and cheerful for the camera, he's coming off looking like a bit of a head case. "I make lists!" he squeaks, holding up a piece of paper with notations on it preceded by Sharpie-drawn check-off boxes. One of the things on the list is "breathe." Another is "get iPod." A third reads "Make the Top 20." Much more of this, and the number one item on my check-off list is going to be "Buy vodka." Anyway, the judges thank Kapono for being so teachable. They say he's done everything they suggested he do to make himself a better dancer. He's a worker! And a nice kid, but really high-strung right now. I hope he calms down. He makes the Top 20 and I am happy for him.

Time for another montage, this time of people getting through to the Top 20. My notes from last night include these names: Paris, Gigi, Ade, Karla and Jonathan. A later list reveals that no Gigi made it to the Top 20, or perhaps was even on this show. Gigi, where did I come up with that name? I guess it doesn't matter, because I barely know any of these people. Producers, NO MORE DAVID SOLLER.

It's time for Natalie Reid's friend Brandon to take the stage and he comes out with such a hopeful look on his face, my heart just contracts. It's Mia's turn to break the news again, and only heaven knows why she was chosen to do so, because she immediately bursts into a personal attack: She "can't stand" his attitude and his "fake smile" and his dancing "annoys the [bleep] out of her." Throughout this whole thing, Brandon is still standing there, his smile gradually fading while he attempts to remain respectful, because after all, this person is one of the ones who holds his future in her hands. I am just....horrified. I can't remember when I've ever seen anything so painful. Oh, wait, yes I do. It was in Season 4 when Mia unleashed on Kherington after the Viennese waltz choreographed by Jean-Marc.

Meds check, Mia!

Finally, Debbie Allen speaks up. Or tries to anyway, because Mia just boosts the volume to continue her diatribe. Nigel finally interrupts and tells Mia she's said her piece, and now it's time to let someone else talk. Mia subsides into quiet snarls after shooting Nigel a look of death. Debbie is all about the affirmations, telling Brandon that he's a beautiful dancer, but then Lil C chimes in and says he personally doesn't know what all the Brandon hype is about.

It's at this point in the drama when Mary Murphy -- who tearfully said during the city auditions that she thought she'd "just die" if Brandon didn't make the Top 20 this season -- rose up in high dudgeon and, in a voice that was trembling with rage, says that she has HAD ENOUGH. She goes on to say that the other judges' criticisms of him are ridiculous and that she is not going to listen to any more of this crap. He is not cocky! Mary says. And I don't know, but I'm so used to Mary and her big smile that I am, like, afraid of her right now. Although I am TOTALLY behind her. Mia is way out of line and back to being her old nasty, hag-like self.

S0mehow, things get smoothed down and Nigel tells Brandon, whom I deeply admire for his poise under pressure, that he has made it into the Top 20. All the judges clap except for Mia, who sits like a toad on a stone, jaw thrust out, eyes glittering. "What do you think it will be like when we're in a room together?" she asks Brandon in a dangerous voice. I'd be hard pressed at this point to say just how much I dislike her.

Brandon, who still somehow appears calm and unflustered, says something like, "It'll be the bomb." I didn't quite catch it. The judges all seem to think he's scored, so they all clap and cheer. Even Mia claps. I wish he'd said something more like, "I could fell you with one kick from my well-muscled left leg, old woman, so be nice to me or be prepared to eat some flooring," but I admit that that wouldn't be diplomatic.

Yeeeesh. And Vitolio thought that he was having a diarrhea moment!

After we've all had a chance to catch our breath -- and I assume when the medics have had a chance to subdue Mia with some kind of horse tranquilizer -- the process continues with Tony. Tony is the guy that I couldn't remember from Wednesday's show, and frankly, I can see why he slipped my mind. He danced a contemporary piece to "Somebody's Watching Me" with Nigel's picture in a briefcase, his suit jacket, his newspaper, but frankly, it was too gimmicky for me to appreciate and I didn't see that much actual dancing. Although I do credit him with a clever sense of humor. In the review I posed yesterday, Tony was the kid who with a bad case of the whim-whams: he could not get a grip. Nigel tells a quivering Tony that his dance technique is not as strong as it should be, but that he's in the Top 20 anyway. Hmmm. Tony smiles and shouts out a big, "YESSSSSS!" which makes me feel better about his mental state.

New montage of people making it! Max (Faina's partner), Caitlin, Melissa (the "naughty ballerina") and Jason are through to the Top 20.

Next up is Ashley. It's her fourth time auditioning, poor girl. Mary says she's a "fighter." The rest of the judges say that she has improved a lot. She makes the Top 20 and is understandably delirious with happiness. Awww!

Randi comes onstage next, and once again, we have to hear from Mia. WHERE IS SONYA?! Mia bloviates on and on about Randi's committment to her unitards as the audience is shown a montage of Randi sporting several different unitards and it is all just more unitarded than you can possibly imagine, especially with the judges braying with laughter in the background like donkeys. Randi makes the Top 20 and presumably goes off to do a wardrobe check.

Professional ballet dancer Alex comes out next and I am puzzled by his whole deal. The judges want him to be in the Top 20, but there's the small matter of Alex's being under contract to the Miami City Ballet for their upcoming season. Oops. Nigel says that he has contacted the MCB to see if Alex can be released from the contract, but that the answer was no. Alex looks crushed, but I don't get it: he knew he was under contract, so what did he think was going to happen if he was chosen for SYTYCD? The judges wish him well and Debbie is encouraging as always. He's invited to come back when his contract is up. He leaves, and I feel sorry for him. Shame.

After the break, another montage, this time of people being cut. Ricky Sun, partner to the sassy Asuka, goes home. Bummer.

Next up is Phillip Chbeeb and I am worried for him. He is so adorable. Phillip tells the judges that this week has been stressful, but that he has enjoyed it anyway. Adam Shankman says that Phillip has improved and grown over the week and that the judges can see that he really loves dancing; all dancing, not just his own genre. Phillip agrees and Adam tells him he's made it to the Top 20. Phillip and I are both so very happy!

We're now down to the last two girls: a contemporary dancer named Deena and International Latin ballroom dancer, Asuka. To me, there's no question of who's in the Top 20 and who's on the next flight back home and I'm right. Asuka gives the devastated Deena a brief hug before going all "yippeeeeeeeeee!!!!" There's something about that girl that bugs me. She seems a little too certain of her own sexiness. I find that off-putting, but in order to avoid any uncomfortable comparisons to Mia, I'll keep my thoughts on this to myself for now.

Last but not least are the Brothers Kasprzak, and I don't know about anyone else, but I feel very maniplulated by the fact that they're left to the last, together. Producers, you are jerks. This was a nasty thing to do to these two very nice guys. I hate it when television pits two kindhearted people against each other. Fortunately, Evan and Ryan are supportive of each other no matter what and hug one another and cry manly tears until I think I'm going to just plotz.

Evan is the brother who makes the Top 20. I could have gone with either one, but I did like Evan's Fred Astaire-like dance better, so all is good. When the brothers get backstage and go through the curtain, Ryan gives Evan one last hug and gives him a gentle shove toward the excited throng of dancers so that he can begin celebrating his victory. Ryan's eyes meet the camera for one fleeting glance and the disappointment is evident, but he smiles a crooked little grin and moves on out of camera range. Well done, Ryan. If there was a show called So You Think You Can Act Like A Person of Sterling Character, you would win it.

And that wraps up the Top 20 show! Here they are, in alphabetical order:

Ade, Ashley, Asuka, Brandon, Caitlin, Evan, Janette, Jason, Jeanine, Jonathan, Karla, Kupono, Max, Melissa, Paris, Phillip, Randi, Tony and Vitolio.

So You Think You Can Dance? Season 5 - Las Vegas 2nd auditions

"I love cutting people," Mia growls at the assembled dancers trembling on the stage, glaring at them over the rims of her ugly glasses, her hair standing straight up on end like something from A Flock of Seagulls. "I love cutting because I love seeing people who aren't good at what they do go home."

Oh-kay! Well! Looks like it's gonna be a fun time in Las Vegas!

Last night's show highlighted the fact that we have seen very, very few of the dancers who made it through to the one hundred seventy-eight nervous people assembled before us. Just a thought: maybe if the producers had wasted less time last week on David Soller, his mother and that other talentless guy, we could have seen more people who have the real thing? I don't know. Anyway, five minutes into the show, people are already passing by in blur. There's someone I sort of remember, although her name escapes me. And he looks familiar, but no....no. I am just as bewildered as some of the dancers seem to be.

The only people I know for sure are the judges, that panel of experts sitting at a long desk in front of the stage: Nigel Lythgoe, Mary Murphy, Mia Michaels, Debbie Allen, Adam Shankman, Lil C. Thank goodness Tyce Diorio has been locked into a supply closet somewhere in the hotel. Tabitha and Napoleon aren't there; I'm sure they're out in Las Vegas somewhere being about a thousand times better looking than the rest of us, and I don't mind that because they're both so nice. Where is Sonya Tayeh? Can we trade her for Mia?

What the dancers are going to do is this: They're going to dance in a number of different styles, with dancers being cut after each round. That seems relatively straightforward, doesn't it? Not confusing at all! Just you wait! This show is a strange mish-mash of events and I can't keep everything straight. If I'm confused by what's going on, sitting there on the couch with my popcorn, imagine how the dancers must feel. Choreography here and there, small groups, more choreography in different styles, people being told they are the worst dancers to ever grow legs in a womb, but then being told that they can dance for their lives? I don't get it.

Not necessarily in this order, the dancers have to learn the moves to a jazz piece choreographed by Sonya. There she is, at last! TabiNapo choreograph a hip-hop routine; Jean-Marc Genereaux and France do a ballroom piece. Mia does some contemporary choreography that nearly brings people to tears, and someone lets Tyce out of the supply closet so that he can do two Broadway pieces for the guys and the girls separately, set to music from West Side Story. Plus there's the group dancing thing where all the dancers are split into groups of six, pick a music CD out of a box that our beloved Cat Deeley is holding aloft, and then have all night long to choreograph their own bit.

Looks like a tough few days ahead for the dancers.

Now I come to a difficult part of this review, because I can't even pretend to know the names of all these people. All I can say is this: some people from the city auditions that we really liked were unmercifully cut in Day 1 and Day 2, including Natalie Reid. Sad and shocking! Megan Kinney hugs her sister Caitlin goodbye and trudges off to the airport (but wait -- I just realized that happened on Day 3!) Philip's girlfriend, Ariel Coker, is sent home and it's just awful. Sammy Ramirez of the "hair choreography" leaves the hotel, still smiling that awesome smile. Tap-dancing Silky heads home on Day 3. I'm glad I don't have Cat's job, or I'd probably be outside the hotel telling everyone that the judges suck swamp water and getting my butt fired.

At the end of Day 2, the small groups are formed and Cat lets them choose their CDs. This is generally an interesting night as viewers watch the dancers tryin to pull together some kind of choreography that won't stink the place up. There are usually some clashing egos somewhere along the line, along with a couple of dancers who feel that they could best pull a routine together by going upstairs to bed. THAT never sets well, let me tell you. As you could imagine. Strangely, we're shown very little of this kind of thing, which is a departure from past seasons, which reveled in the petty jealousies, hurt feelings and the inexplicable need for a little shut-eye.

"A lot of people think that today doesn't mean anything," Nigel says preachily on the third morning, when all the small groups are going to be doing their thing. This kind of statement makes me crazy. The remaining dancers have seen people being cut left, right and center during the different styles in the past couple of days. Tension is running high as time draws short. Why, Nigel, would any of these people thing that today doesn't mean anything? Sheeeesh.

The different groups get up to perform, nearly all of them to annoying music that just jars me with its silliness. I think the judges do this on purpose. If they gave the dancers good music, it would be easier to choreograph a good routine, right? So if you can choreograph a good routin to BAD music, then that would be a sign of awesomeness that would shine through the heavens. Evidently not. People are cut and go home.

Now it's finally time for Mia's choreography, which just about makes people cry. "Do not give me empty steps, because that's when my horns will come out!" she drill-sergeants at them, stomping around the stage. Oh, so that's why she's got the crazy hair: to hide the horns. Glad we've got that cleared up.

Evan and Ryan Kasprzak are still waiting to see if they're through Mia's choreography, and I think they look fabulous, but then I thought Natalie Reid was great, and she was sent packing. I also like Caitlin Kinney's dance-for-her-life solo, but the judges were all up in her stuff for doing an "old-fashioned" contemporary dance, whereas Mia's choreography was "of this time"? Huh? You'd have thought that Caitlin was out there on the stage, leaping around while wearing hoop skirts and a bonnet. Caitlin, I thought you were wonderful. The judges send her on through to the next round, leaving her very grateful and me more confused than ever.

Then there's a guy named Tony Bellissimo who has been featured in just about every segment of the show. Not that I'm complaining: he's a good dancer and did a clever solo, but where did he spring from? At any rate, Tony starts to fall to pieces emotionally as the show progresses: it's like the producers have given us a window into his private nervous breakdown. Is Pfizer, the manufacturer of anti-anxiety medication Xanax, a sponsor of this episode?

Tony does Mia's choreography and Debbie calls him forward on the stage afterwards and tells him that he's really let them down. Tony bursts into tears. Then he has to dance for his life, and the judges tell him his solo wasn't that great, but they're going to pass him on because they like him. Wha-? If they were going to send him through because he was likeable, why did he have to dance? Couldn't he have just given all the judges a hug? Tony cries through the whole thing. He is one raw nerve. As am I.

This brings us to Tyce's West Side Story choreography. Thankfully, he's so busy bossing everyone around and doing those Jets/Sharks finger snaps that he has little time left over to be annoying. The girls dance first while the boys lounge poolside, and then the boys dance while the girls ditto. Things are narrowed down still further, but at least the West Side Story music is cheerful and familiar.

This Las Vegas episode ends with sixteen boys and sixteen girls, all of whom are to dance a solo which will be the final criterion by which they are judged. We're left waiting to see which twelve will be cut in Thursday's one hour show.

So You Think You Can Dance? Season 4 Chbeeb/Muraine Pop-Off

I was so pleased to find this SYTYCD on YouTube! This good-natured competition between poppers Philip Chbeeb and Robert Muraine comes from the Season 4 finale of So You Think You Can Dance and it really shows what this dance style is all about.

Popping isn't beautiful and it's not what I'd call graceful, but it is fascinating to watch: how do they do that? That thing with their fingers? And the one where their arms look like garden hoses?

The dance portion of this video is just over four minutes long; everything else is the judges talking to Philip and Robert.

So You Think You Can Dance? Season 5 - Los Angeles and Seattle auditions

When I finished writing my review of the Miami/Memphis auditions yesterday, I found myself unable to remember what city (along with Los Angeles) was going to serve as an audition venue for last night's show. It turns out that I may be a little bit paranormally gifted, because I seemed to know in advance how much the Seattle auditions were going to stink: I completely blocked the city out of my consciousness. Will wonders never cease?

But before I go yapping on about Seattle, let me take you first to Los Angeles.

The big treat that L.A. offered right off the bat was the sight of Comfort, Katee and Joshua's much-loved faces from Season 4, joining Lauren-the-Choreographer from Season 3. It was so good to see them again. I don't know what it is about this show, but I end up loving the dancers in a way I never love the contestants on American Idol or Survivor. An added bonus was Adam Shankman in the third judge's chair -- glad to see him, too, although truthfully, I would have been okay with anybody but Tyce. Nigel and Mary were all smiles as things got started.

There were a number of comebacks in Los Angeles, the most outstanding among them being Philip Chbeeb. He was the extraordinary popper/locker who was given a ticket to Vegas in Season 4, but ended up not getting to go because he came down with pneumonia, of all things. Such a disappointment! Because he was good. Even I, who vastly prefers ballroom dancing to any other style, could appreciate his poppy/locky goodness. He can make himself look as if he has no bones, people! And he seems like a very nice guy as well.

Adam, Mary and Nigel were so glad to see him that Nigel was moved to a Christmas-morning sort of generosity: he handed the surprised Philip a ticket to Las Vegas without even seeing him perform. Which was great for Philip, but not so great for all of us in the audience who wanted to see him dance. Gee, thanks for the stocking full of coal, Nigel. Maybe in Season 6, you could get us all a fruitcake and an ugly tie.

But all was not lost because Philip came back to partner with an adorable contemporary dancer named Arielle Coker. Their routine was sweet and fun to watch; she's very talented as well. I hope they're a couple. I hope she appreciates him! And if she breaks his heart, there are going to be a bunch of fans of this show who are going to be really ticked off, including the three female people in our living room because we loved him first, ARIELLE.

*ahem*

Another partnering graced the stage with International Latin Ballroom dancers Asuka (pronounced OSS-ah-kuh) Kondoh and Ricky Sun. Asuka delightfully confided to the camera that you often see Russians or Latin Americans dancing in their style, which is good for them because she and Ricky are Asians. They stand out! Of course, they might just stand out because they are incredible dancers who do the most outrageously difficult moves with the greatest ease. And let's face it: Asuka is just about the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen, a perfect little porcelain doll of a girl. Ricky is a great partner, but he's just about eclipsed by the tiny powerhouse that is Asuka. He held his own, as the three wowed judges said, and I will give him that.

Here they are, dancing to Duffy's "Mercy."



But on the downside of partnering...wow. Our eyes out on stalks, we watched brother/sister combo Brynelle and Xaviar Blanton doing a too-close-for-comfort contemporary dance that had me nervously shifting in my seat and my husband holding the remote in a trembling hand, ready for the quick maneuver over to Sports Center. Because, eeeewwww! That was some creepy, there, kids! Where are your parents? I can see a brother/sister act teaming up for hip-hop or Broadway or even square dancing, but please! Quit assaulting our sensibilities with your romantic contemporary piece! I thought there were laws against that kind of thing.

The Los Angeles auditions were also notable for introducing us to dancers Sammy Ramirez and Nathan Trasoras. Sammy was a nineteen year old popper/locker with a smile that "[lit] up the stage," as Mary put it. He was a very likeable kid and he pulled off a wickedly good routine with talent, humor and "hair choreography." Loved him. Total cutie. Same thing with Nathan, only without the popping and locking, and also without the eighteen-years-old minimum age requirement. Nathan was such a handsome guy and he did what the judges and I agreed was a very solid and pleasing contemporary routine, but GAAAAH!!! He's only seventeen, and therefore ineligible! Mary and I almost cried. The day was saved when, somewhere off camera where the television audience was not privy to the conversation, the judges found out that Nathan will be turning eighteen this summer; he was given a ticket to Las Vegas, straight through to Season 6! Yay!

The final dancer was some dude nicknamed "Shakiro," after the pop star Shakira, she of the famously swiveling hips. Shakira has her sexy Latina/Middle Eastern vibe and she makes it work, but she is a gorgeous, coffee-skinned, dark-eyed beauty and this guy was kind of freckly and chubby and the only thing I can imagine that could have possibly been worse would be if I'd gotten up there and swiveled my hips.

Here's Kevin Cormeir, a.k.a. Shakiro:



and here's Shakira herself. You be the judge.



The Seattle hour was just awful, netting only EIGHT dancers from the whole two days of auditions. Mia Michaels was in the third chair and it was nice to see her. I love Mia's choreography and I like her as a judge for the auditions, but I can't stand her as a judge during the actual show because she's so often pretentious and egotistical and mean.

Here's one of our favorite bits of Mia choreography, a contemporary tribute to her dad who died from lung cancer. The scene is heaven, where father and daughter have finally been reunited, danced by Neil Haskell and Lacey Schwimmer from Season 4.



That was just really moving, wasn't it?

Okay, I gave you that because Seattle just really blew chunks, directly after the judges took their seats. There was a montage of the judges, including the perpetually sunny-tempered Mary, lashing out at the talentless oafs that were staggering around the stage, apparently looking like people in the throes of childbirth, or perhaps suffering from multiple beestings. Thankfully, we didn't have to see most of that sorry lot.

We did see a break dancer (emphasis on "break") named Nick Salzman, another one of the tattooed and be-pierced crowd. His dancing was so-so, especially since he had completely winded himself after about thirty seconds and abruptly got to his feet and came to the microphone.

"Why did you stop?" wondered Mia, puzzled.

I didn't catch what he said -- must have been something like, "I'm completely knackered" -- but Nigel was worried about Nick's physical fitness: dancing is a lot of hard work. Nick took umbrage at Nigel's concern and snapped some sassy remark at him, which caused Mary to go all oh-no-you-di'n't on him.

"You had my yes for choreography until you insulted Nigel," she said in a Don't-Mess-with-Mother voice. "But if you can be so disrespectful to the executive producer of the show, how will you be able to get along with the choreographers and your fellow dancers?"

Mia solemnly agreed, and Nick was forced to shamble off in a walk of shame, alll-l-l-l-l the way up the aisle past those many rows of staring eyes.

One of the nicest moments of the Seattle auditions came from a young man named Kuponohi’ipoi Aweau, a native of Hawaii, whose name means something like "Child of Truth and Beauty." I don't know about the truth part, but he had the bee-yooo-teee goin' on. Handsome guy! He did a contemporary piece and the judges and I disagreed on a point: Nigel and Mary thought that he did a few things that gave off a feminine vibe, but I honestly didn't see that at all.

There were a couple of other good dancers, but nobody who just stopped my breath, which was kind of disappointing. However, we did have to see that idiot David Soller, he with the Mommy issues who goes by the nickname "Sex." And I'm telling you, there just could not be a more ludicrous nickname. David has been around since Season 1, doting mother in tow, doing his best to blind us all.

The only other thing I can think of to say about David Soller is this: IS HE EVER GOING TO REACH THE AGE CUTOFF SO THAT HE CAN'T AUDITION ANYMORE?!?!

Here he is in a dance-off with another excruciatingly bad Seattle auditioner, Leonid Knyshov. Watch it at your peril, and please don't eat or drink anything without having a small wastebasket handy, because....oh, you'll figure it out.



Okay, I know you feel weak and shaky. Just go lie down on the sofa with a cool cloth on your forehead. I've built up some resistance to the Soller strain, so I'm fine. Let me just tell you that we now have one hundred seventy-eight dancers from across the country headed for Las Vegas with only twenty spaces to fill.

Next stop, Las Vegas!

So You Think You Can Dance? Season 5 - Miami and Memphis Auditions

If you only knew how I've been biting my nails and crafting countdown paper chains and pacing the floors of my home in the middle of the night waiting for season five of So You Think You Can Dance? to begin. If you only knew! Because if you knew, you'd understand what a letdown last night's two hour audition show was. The morning after watching it, I'm cudgeling my brains to come up with more than a handful of awesome dancers -- and I'm talking in any style, not just my personal favorite! -- and really, it's hard to do.

Here are some the standouts:

There was one couple from Miami who did the most incredible flippy-dippy salsa dance (which Nigel irritatingly pronounced "saaaalser") and it was muy caliente - so fun to watch. I didn't catch their names, but they were so good and they both got tickets to Vegas.

And there was Joseph Smith from Memphis who was full of personality and, yes, talent, who made me smile with his "ShaaaaaWHAM!" and his general joie de vivre. He did a hip-hop routine which I remember vaguely that I liked, but he got so much more screentime with the "shaaa-WHAM" and the ultimate "shaaaa-WIZZLE" or something like that, I can't recall to mind what he actually did. Like, onstage.

And oh, yes, also Memphis police officer Marico Flake (unfortunate name) with a badge and a uniform and a squad car and everything, who disconcertingly looked to be about twelve years old. Disturbing! I think that maybe there should be looks requirements to go along with the age and weight and educational requirements to qualify one as a law enforcement officer. He was dancing in a style called "Memphis Jukin'," which of course I have never heard of, but judge L'il C (a krump dancer -- don't ask me what that is -- and choreographer) waxed poetic on it, so I'll believe him because he is such a good judge.

There was also a beautiful girl from Miami named Talia Rickards who lost her young husband to a motorcycle accident. They were married four years, high school sweethearts, when he decided to go out for a ride one night. "I felt like something was wrong," she said, gulping back tears. "And a few hours later, the cops came to my door." Tears all around in the living room. The girl mentioned how she goes to visit her husband down the street where he is.....she struggled to say the word "buried" and lost, instead substituting the word "sleeping" and how she knows he would be proud of her for auditioning.

Then she danced and it was very touching and she got a ticket to Las Vegas, I think.

There were two sisters, Megan and Caitlin Kinney, both of whom made it through to Las Vegas, both of whom were beautiful dancers. Megan auditioned in Miami and Caitlin auditioned in Memphis, and of course I can't remember what genre each girl chose, but I do remember that I liked them. I totally suck as a reviewer, don't I? I'm glad I'm not getting paid for this, because I have the feeling that I would shortly no longer be getting paid for this, if you can follow me.

Best of all, though, were the Memphis auditions of brothers Evan and Ryan Kasprzak. Evan went first and did this kind of Gene Kelly-ish, Fred Astaire-like jazz dance to "The Best is Yet to Come" and highlighted, underscored and bold-texted the fact that a man can twirl in the air and leap about and still look masculine. His routine was fun and entertaining and I loved it. Then Ryan, the older bro, came onstage for his a capella tap routine accompanied by a singular prop: a whoopie cushion. The routine was just too clever and Mary Murphy giggled throughout the whole thing. I couldn't find the Kasprzaks' auditions at YouTube, but here's a link to an entertainment blog called Rickey.org where you can watch them.

Here are a few people who should've stayed home:

There were two other sisters, identical twins, who costumed themselves very strangely and inappropriately in black thong leotards. And black leggings. And some very strange-looking tie-on boots. Just....never mind. I can't explain them, the boots or the sisters. All I can say is that they were just wrong on so many levels, including the one where they both pointed their large, be-thonged rear ends at the camera. Thank heaven for the leggings, is all I can say. Yikes.

And then there was a girl in a bikini top with a t-shirt over it, only....the t-shirt didn't cover her boobs? Why didn't it? And at one point, she threw her legs wide and showed us her crotch, which couldn't be more obnoxious, and not what this show is about. The judges all flinched, along with the four of us. Make her go away. Oh, for a vaudeville hook! And, I don't know....a blanket to cover her up? Hurry.

But the worst by far of the evening was Miami judge Tice Diorio, a choreographer whose Broadway routines on SYTYCD? nearly always leave me feeling that "The Great White Way" ought to be called "The Great Wrong Way" where he is concerned, anyway. He is in luuuurve with the sound of his own voice and mugs and preens and pans for the camera, the theater audience and the other judges until you just want to slap him on the back of the head and bark, "SHUT! UP!" We were all so glad when the second hour of the program started and Li'l C came in. Tyce, banished! If only we were shed of him for the rest of the season.

Here's a nine-minute snippet from last night, including Joseph "Shaaa-WHAM" Smith and his very enjoyable routine (which I now definitely like, now that I've re-seen it) and the Crotch-Showing Girl....eeeeuuwww. It also includes the very excited dancer who exited the theater screaming, "I'm going to Vegaaaaaaaas!" and then dropped her ticket, which proceeding to blow blithely down the street. The unforgiving camera caught her in an undignified, hunched-over scramble for the errant paper, which just had to hurt, knowing that it was going to be on national television, and all. We felt sorry for her, mostly because it seemed so exactly like something Meelyn, Aisling or I would do.



Tonight! Final auditions in Los Angeles and...Denver? Is that right? Anyhoo, we'll be in front of the television, ready for the entertainment.

So You Think You Can Dance? Season 5 - New York & Denver Auditions

Last Thursday night marked the beginning of the fifth season of So You Think You Can Dance?, which has to be the dumbest name for one of television's best reality shows ever. I love this show even beyond Top Chef, which is saying something since Top Chef involves the preparation and eating of food, two activities with which I am completely simpatico. Whereas SYTYCD? involves dancing and sweating, which....well, let's just say that it would be considered a criminal act for me to dance in public and sweating is just something that happens to you when you're pre-menopausal and suffering from hot flashes. Although I do prefer to think of them as POWER SURGES.

I never really knew how interested I was in all types of dance until we started watching this show. I knew about ballet and ballroom dancing, of course, and I was terribly envious of my friend, Traci, who took tap lessons when we were kids. And I do remember those Electric Boogaloo commercials on TV when I was a teenager. My word. Who could forget THAT? With those guys spinning around on their necks and shoulders; they are probably regretting that now. But now I know about popping and locking and crunking and hip-hop and West Coast Swing. And I also don't think any more that lyrical dance is silly and pretentious.....well, okay. I admit it. Sometimes I still think that lyrical dance is silly and pretentious, but not as often as I used to.

I have managed to recruit Carol and Susie as new viewers this season. I hope they will enjoy it as much as we do, but even more, I hope we like the same people so that I won't hurt their feelings when I say with passion, "So-and-so REEKS" and then have to backpedal in shame at my bad manners, saying, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I mean, so-and-so reeks with talent. Just oozing out of him! Gorgeous dancer!"

As always, there were many talented people who auditioned, and some who weren't. There was Crazy Kate ("I'm crazy about dancing") who was kind of plumply lethargic in the swing routine she and her partner, Ron, did. When Nigel, Mary, Tabitha and Napoleon let her down gently, she told the camera that it was okay that she didn't go to Las Vegas; now she could stay in New York and keep her job and go to a Lego tournament. Okaaaay....

Then there were the Same Sex Ballroom Dancer Guys at Denver who were just....I don't know. Weird and wrong? There was something so ungainly about seeing them grimly swinging one another about ("I'm straight, he's gay"), and then, of course, falling flat to the floor as they attempted a lift. Whoops! In one of the Latin styles noted for sensuality and grace, those two dudes were neither. And thank heaven for that.

And who could forget -- even if you spent a LOT of time trying -- the girl made up like a cat, doing a dance with two light sabers to the Star Wars theme? I'll spare you the details, but it was uncommonly bad. It's not unusual for people to show up for the auditions and do something really stupid just for a prank, but if that's what Catgirl was aiming for, it fell as flat as last night's
soufflé.

Here was one of our favorites in the pop-and-lock style. We thought these two brothers, Elias and Enoch, were good dancers, so cute and how do they move like that? They're all the way from Santa Fe and their audition was very funny and entertaining.




As the show progressed, there were a few hot messes, one of which had Nigel fuming, "That was just....stupid. Why would you want to do that at an audition? And on television?"

Exactly what we were saying, Nigel. Especially about the people doing the "Bolero" dance, who nearly scarred us for life with their all-around yuckiness. What was that? Did they need to get a room? Medical assistance? Sensitivity training? Yeeeeshhhh!

The guy with the umbrella slayed us all. When he appeared onstage with the unfurled umbrella, my husband said, "What does the umbrella represent?"

I watched him for a moment and replied, "I think the umbrella is a woman."

When he finished his routine, Mary Murphy asked the same question about the umbrella. And it turned out I was right. The umbrella was a physical metaphor for the young man's aunt, recently deceased, whom he perceived as a covering and protection in his life; someone who sheltered him. You think we weren't moved by this? Meelyn swiped her sleeve across her eyes; I got up to get a tissue, and my husband sniffed a bit. Aisling looked at us and said incredulously, "Are you all crying ALREADY?!"

There was a kid named Chimezie who had issues with the pronunciation of his name. When Nigel referred to him, understandably, as "Chi-MEE-zie," I thought the young man was going to turn on his heel and stride from the auditiorium in a huff. Napoleon corrected Nigel hurriedly, saying, "Chih-mih-ZAY." Well, okay then! Chimezie did a very entertaining dance, however, and went on to choreography.

It was lovely, by the way, seeing Lauren Gottlieb from Season 3 working with the auditioners as the choreographer. Hi, Lauren!

One other dance who really stood out was a girl named Kayla, who came with a set of the sweetest, cuddliest grandparents you've ever seen. She was a great dancer (did a lyrical piece to "Blackbird") and her grandpa got all choked up....aawwwww. Everybody loves their Pawpaw! Lots of hugging. Talented girl, adorable family.

Sonya the choreographer was in Denver for that set of auditions, and I know, I know: The Mohawk. The piercings. The tattoos. But I just love her. When she said to a dancer, "When I watch you, I want to throw daisies and sunflowers into the air," I just melted. I'd like to be her (older, overweight, untalented) friend.

But here was the highlight of the evening: Bryant and Natalie from Season 4. Oh, the tears!


It was wonderful to see them back this year, and I hope they make it through to the top twenty.

All in all, an excellent start to the season. The show is on this week on both Wednesday and Thursday. Yay!