RECIPE: A Hot Toddy for your Aching Body

Tonight, I gave up. Just threw my hands up into the air and said, "Honey, drive me to a liquor store."

There comes a time when Ny-Quil will turn its back on you and love you no longer. There comes a time when your Tessalon cough pearls will crouch down inside their pharmacy bottle, quietly laughing at you, you who actually had the innocent hope that, having taken one of these expensive little things, you would STOP COUGHING.

You'll think you're out there on your own, alternately shivering with cold and baking with heat as your fever rages. You'll scare yourself when you see your reflection in the mirror, all hollow-eyed and grey and drawn. You'll cough. You'll cough until your family finds discreet reasons not to be around you as you hack and bark uncontrollably like, "I think I'm going to go wash my hair, Mommy. At Uncle Pat and Aunt Angie's house."

That is when you need to have a hot toddy.

Listen, I'm sick and you're probably sick, so here's the recipe. This is an easy one that I tinkered with because when you're sick? Do you really feel like dealing with an eighth of a teaspoon of cloves and a pinch of nutmeg and a cinnamon stick, but only the kind of cinnamon imported from Ceylon? No, you do not. You just want something you can put together quickly that will taste good and cure what ails you by stopping your cough and helping you sleep. And I don't like cinnamon sticks in any beverage anyway because they always look so cute, but end up poking you in the nostril.

I've been coughing since last Tuesday and I haven't had a full night's sleep since then either and I plan to drink hot toddies four to six times a day until I'm better or my blood catches on fire when I sit too close to a candle, whichever comes first.

I have spoken. And coughed.


HOT TODDY

Ingredients
1 Bigelow's "Constant Comment" de-caf tea bag
1 1/2 cups boiling water
1 shot of whiskey (1.5 ounces -- I used Johnnie Walker Red)
2 tablespoons honey
1 thick slice fresh lemon

DIRECTIONS
Pour the boiling water into a Pyrex measuring cup to the 1 1/2 cup line. Add tea bag, whiskey, honey and lemon. Steep for about five minutes. Remove lemon and tea bag from measuring cup; stir the toddy. Pour into a coffee mug. Collapse on couch. Drink, allowing the mug to warm your hands. Watch a movie from On Demand. Do not answer the telephone, unless Caller ID demonstrates that the person telephoning you is someone who will be willing to listen patiently to all your symptoms and a monologue on how crappy you feel. Take a lovely, cough-free nap.

Please note: When you're sick, your sense of taste and smell is impaired. Also, this toddy tastes a lot like tea with honey and lemon flavors overlaid anyway. It does not taste as strong as it actually is, so don't go drinking one of these and thinking, "Gee, I feel great! Time to go sledding!" The idea is to relax and rest and sleep, not to party down once your coughing has stopped and your bodily aches and pains have receded into the fuzzy distance.

RECIPE: Party Punch for the Whole Bunch

Now, isn't that a pretty bowl of punch? It is cold and frothy and yummy-sweet with all that sherbet melting in it and leaving delicious little bits of fruit at the bottom of your cup that have soaked up all the melty bits...it's like the nectar of the gods. And best of all, it is non-alcoholic, so the kids can dip into it right along with the grownups and the subsequent staggering around and giggling and then throwing up in the kitchen wastebasket they do will be totally because of their sugar overload and not because you have taken their sweaty little hands and led them down the road to drunkenness and ruin.

(If you're having a grown-up kind of festive party, though, and you want to spike it with as much vodka as you think is necessary, that's your own lookout: I don't know how much to tell you to add, however, so you might want to experiment and keep the alcohol content below the level where your party guests end up spending the night on your front lawn. That really bothers the neighbors.)

Once you've scooped your sherbert into the ring mold and got it frozen, this punch goes together in a matter of minutes. You can also experiment with different kinds of juices for a different taste (or if you want a different color of punch, say), but this is the one that I know is definitely good.

PERFECT PARTY PUNCH

INGREDIENTS:

Items needed - ring mold, punch bowl of at least 2 gallons

1 gallon sherbet, either multicolored as pictured above (raspberry/orange/lime) or raspberry

1 chilled bottle Hawaiian Punch fruit punch or similar (found in the fruit juice aisle, not the soft drink aisle - this is the size roughly equivalent to a 2-liter bottle, although I'm not sure how many ounces that is)

1 chilled bottle lemon-lime soda, such as Sprite, 7-Up, Sierra Mist or even ginger ale - you can use diet soda, if you'd prefer

1 can orange juice concentrate, thawed

2 cups sugar

1 can of chunked pineapple, drained

1 small jar of stemless maraschino cherries, drained

about a cup of seedless red and green grapes, washed and de-stemmed, optional

DIRECTIONS:

The day before you plan to serve the punch, allow the sherbet to sit out on the kitchen counter until it has softened a bit. When it is soft enough to scoop easily, spoon it into a ring mold such as a Bundt cake pan and press it down, filling the entire mold. Cover with plastic wrap and place in the freezer to firm up until the next day.

When you're ready to serve the punch, run about two inches of warm water in the sink and place the ring mold in it for a minute or so to soften the sherbet a bit. Remove the ring mold from the sink and invert your punch bowl over it, doing a careful flip so that the ring of sherbet stays in the punch bowl and doesn't throw itself to the floor. Turn the punch bowl right side up and lift the ring mold off the sherbet.

Pour the thawed orange juice concentrate into the center hole of the sherbet ring; add the two cups of sugar following. Alternate pouring the fruit punch and the lemon-lime soda onto the orange juice-sugar combination until your punch bowl is full, but not so full that it overflows when you put the ladel in the punch bowl and fill the first few cups -- I made that mistake, ONCE. Give everything a gentle stir with a long spoon.

Once the punch has been stirred, alternate pouring the pineapple chunks and cherries into the hole in the sherbet ring, starting with the pineapple because it's bigger and will form a base. You can also add the grapes into this mix if you'd like.

Carry the punch bowl to your serving table and pour into little cups for your guests, including one for yourself because it is just soooo goooood.

RECIPE: Iced Coffee

Meelyn and I invented this recipe just today because we both love iced coffee (as does Aisling), but it is too expensive -- and fattening -- to buy the full-sugar kind from McDonald's all the time, never mind Starbuck's.

At any rate, I am enjoying a delicious glass of this primo beverage right this very second, typing one or two words and then taking another drink. I don't want my iced coffee to get warm, after all, even if it might take me three hours to type this post. It's a big glass of coffee.

NEARLY SUGARLESS ICED COFFEE

10 cups brewed coffee (ours is decaf), warm

1/4 cup powdered vanilla-flavored coffee creamer

10 cups milk (ours is 2%)

4 teaspoons vanilla extract

12 packets Sweet-n-Low

While brewed coffee is still warm, stir in the 1/4 cup vanilla coffee creamer. Pour warm coffee (not hot, or it may break your favorite glass pitcher) into a pitcher and allow to cool in the refrigerator for about half an hour. Pour in the ten cups of milk. Add vanilla extract and Sweet-n-Low; stir. Serve over ice in a tall glass or wait until completely chilled to serve without ice.

Makes four servings for people like us, who prefer to drink it out of a bucket.