Tuesday, May 1, 2007

It just hurts

I went to the doctor today for a check up and while I was there, I alerted her to the presence of pain in my left Achilles tendon, a pain that I associate with the walking shoes I bought last fall and paid so much for, my debit card screamed when the shoe store clerk swiped it through that little machine. "Life is pain, princess," said Vicini in The Princess Bride. "And anyone who tells you different is only trying to sell something." I'm only royal inside my own head, but I believe him anyway. If it's not the tendon, it's the wallet.

It appears that I have a rather common condition called Achilles Tendonitis and I should have been to see the doctor right when it started hurting. I blame the hearty peasant stock from which my family is mostly descended, those people who could give birth to a twelve pound baby in the morning and be up out of bed by early afternoon, chopping wood with one hand and baking bread with the other. They are the reason why I didn't go and tattle on my Achilles tendon sooner. My upbringing requires me to "shake it off," which is not something I have the moral fiber to do for an extended period of time. I can be brave for so long, but then I'm off bawling to the doctor. I am a big baby and my pioneer ancestors, those rugged German and Irish folks, would probably have been glad to trade me to the Indians in exchange for some seed corn.

I am also a big hypochondriac, never more apparent than when I go to the pharmacist to pick up a new prescription and read the side effect warnings. Why are there never any good side effects? Why can't a list of side effects read like this: "Taking this medication may cause your breath to smell like strawberries, even the morning after an evening spent drinking rum and eating Doritos. 85% of the people taking this drug will experience silky hair and an improved disposition. If you have any questions about these side effects, please contact your doctor or pharmacist."

Anyway, when I read the side effects of a particular medication and see that it may cause pain in the tonsils, I immediately experience pain in my tonsils, even though I have yet to take the first dose of the medication.

So, since I know how highly suggestible and eeky-freaky I am, why do you suppose I would have come home, googled "Achilles Tendonitis" and then spent fifteen minutes torturing myself on Google Images with exceeding vivid pictures of ruptured Achilles tendons? Why?


1 comment:

Lilly said...

Poor baby!
Now that that's out of the way, let me be the first to endorse your "prescription warning" idea. Let's send that to Eli Lilly pronto!
And while we're at it, I'd like a medicine whose side effects say "if you experience unexplained breast enlargement that lasts more than four hours, consult your doctor." Take that, Viagra!