Pat to the rescue

Pat came by at around two o'clock, looking terribly handsome and bankerly in his charcoal grey suit, highly polished shoes and glowing white shirt. He came in clutching a big armful of computer components, eschewing all offers of a turkey sandwich and a Coke, saying briskly that he never eats lunch. Yesterday, he said, he didn't eat from breakfast time until he got home at ten o'clock yesterday evening. While he dismantled Putey, I silently reflected that this has always been the biggest difference between me and my brother: he is content to go without eating, knowing that he will find food sometime in the future, while I, if I had his authority in the bank, would be sending my underlings out in frequent forays to the fast food establishments that are in close proximity to his place of employment and my house.

The computer he brought from his house is four years old, he said. It took him very little time to set it up and I was secretly very thrilled that it has one of those new-fangled flat screen monitors, the likes of which has never been seen around this place. He also pointed out that I have access to Excel and PowerPoint on his system. I was too intimidated to tell him that I haven't a clue what Excel even is, although I have often thought that it would be beyond cool to put all my Shakespeare handouts into PowerPoint format. I'm sure my students would appreciate it, too.

Pat loaded my internet software onto his computer so that I could connect and when he first logged on, it happened so quickly, I thought my hair would catch on fire. "Whoa! What just happened there?"

He looked at me quizzically. "Uh...you're on the internet?"

"It happened THAT FAST?"

"Well, sure...."

"But usually, with Putey, we would click on the Internet Explorer icon and then go take a shower, or cook a frozen pizza or play a backgammon tournament and then we'd look at the screen and that little hourglass would still be swirling around."

"This'll be a lot faster. A lot."

Ooh! How exciting!

Pat was also able to figure out how to get my printer to work on his computer, which involved going to the Lexmark site and clicking here and there. I was so happy about this, because I have to start printing out the aforementioned Shakespeare handouts -- once I write them all over again, that is -- and what was I going to do without a printer? I am so very glad that he knows computers.