Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I tried, but I can't stop laughing

You know that four book Twilight series about vampires that it seems that every girl in the United States has read except for Meelyn and Aisling because I think that Bella Swan is as dumb as a suitcase full of carrots and that the series author, Stephenie Meyer, hates women?

Yeah. That series. Even as I type these words, I am preparing for the onslaught of tearful hate mail that will come in from Twi-hard fans of the bedazzling Edward. I just don't understand love!!! I am too old!!! What Edward and Bella have is totally for realz!!! Somehow, whenever I write about this topic, they find me. All I can say is that I'm sorry, girls. I am! I wanted to like these books because I have been devoted to vampire lore all the way through the classic movies seen in my childhood with Frank Langella and Christopher Lee up to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, although I still maintain I wish I'd never seen Bram Stoker's Dracula because it scared the bejabers out of me.

But I can't like the books. Since I have teenage girls, I tried. I really did! Blame Stephenie Meyer for creating a human female character whom I utterly despised, a vampire character who wearied me with his angst and freaked me out with his abusive tendencies, and a plot line that was so....so....eighteenth century...in its way of depicting girls as people who are just carried along by the whims of fate with absolutely no power and control over who they are and what kind of people they should be....AAAAAGGGGHHH. Haaaaaaate!!!!

Anyway, here's a set of cartoons from the brilliantly funny artistand humorist Lucy Knisley that you have to read if you've brushed up against these books in any way (I own all four.) The first is titled My Lost Weekend in the Meyer and accurately describes how easy it is to get sucked into the Twilight. The second cartoon is sixteen panels (scroll down from "My Lost Weekend") that will take you through all four books, if you're lucky enough not to have read them. Lucy Knisley, I've never heard of you until now, but you owe me a new keyboard, girl. My old one has coffee all over it.

Here's my review of Twilight, which I did last summer. I intended to review all four books here at InsomniMom, but they just suck so bad and irritate me so much, I just couldn't do it.

And here's my favorite Twilight movie spoof video from YouTube.

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