Monday, January 10, 2011

An intervention is in order

For so many of us, winter is a time of piling on heavy garments to the point of losing the ability to bend your arms, having toes that are permanently cold and accommodating yourself to the fact that your skin is the color of salt. (Notice: If you are a person who lives in an area of the world that is always warm, or if you are a non-caucasian with lovely, warm skin tones, kind if you are thinking of posting a smug reply to this blog entry.)

Layered looks, however uncomfortable, can always look spiffy and I supposed if you want to wear four pairs of socks with your L.L. Bean hiking boots your toes can eventually warm up, but some people seem to have a real problem with the pasty skin part of winter.

To illustrate, I give you the beautiful singer/songwriter Christina Aguilera. She is so pretty, or at least she was before she started turning herself into an Oompa-Loompa. Why would someone do this to herself? I mean, I do admit that it's not as dangerous and downright frightening as the appearance of Christina's fellow chanteuse Amy Winehouse before she got hold of her addictions to booze and drugs and started turning her life around. But my gosh! The girl is ORANGE! My thought is that she's either fake tanning to the point of developing Cheeto-colored skin or she's hanging around a pet store's rabbit hutches and stealing carrots from the bunnies.

Someone who loves Christina needs to sit her down -- preferably on a stain-resistant surface, just in case whatever it is that's making her that dreadful color can rub off -- and say, "Christina. Honey. You have got to stop. You are the color of a traffic cone. I've seen tangerines that are less orange than you are. It's just wrong."

My thought is that Christina is surrounded by far too many people who won't tell her the truth about her appearance, so she needs to beware every time she eats a salad. Because if her entourage can't bring themselves to mention that her skin looks like she was colored with an orange Sharpie, there's no way they're ever going to tell her about the spinach leaf stuck to her tooth.

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