Remember the Snuggie from the cable television commercial last winter? Those backwards oversized fleece bathrobes that were supposed to take the place of skimpy sofa throws that expose your feet or shoulders to chilly drafts? The commercial featured pictures of people eating popcorn, working on their laptops, roasting marshmallows out back while gathered 'round the bonfire or -- most memorably -- cheering at a soccer game in maroon Snuggies and looking like members of some deranged (yet cozy-warm) cult. They were simply unspeakable. It was impossible to watch them with your mouth closed.
For all you people who don't watch television, first of all, what is wrong with you? Second of all, just watch this:
Okay. So now that you have either 1) refreshed your memory about the horror that is the Snuggie; or 2) seen for the first time this sign that the apocalypse is upon us, try to wrap your mind around the fact that I have just seen a commercial that informed my twitching, slack-jawed self that the Snuggie now comes in DESIGNER PATTERNS.
Yes. Yes, it is true.
You can now get yourself a Snuggie in fashionable leopard or zebra prints as well as a tasteful classic camel color. These were made, the Snuggie manufacturers claim, because many people had been requesting "a more stylish Snuggie."
A. More. Stylish. Snuggie.
Okay. So who exactly are the people who felt such passion for a backwards fleece bathrobe that they needed to have one spotted like a leopard or striped like a zebra? Or unicolored like a camel?
I just got this little mental movie of me and my husband being invited over to play cards one Novembery evening with some friends. Some little snacks are graciously set out; drinks are offered. Soon the agreeable snap of cards being shuffled fills the air; the hostess rises to her feet and says, "I'm a little chilly. I'll be right back."
When she returns, she's wearing a Snuggie. And she has more draped over her arm. Her husband jumps up and says, "Thanks, hon! It is a little nippy tonight!" and then she proffers one to my husband -- the maroon one? -- and offers the leopard one to me. I take it silently and put my arms in it because one size fits all. We play cards, but then it turns out that the chocolate covered peanuts were dipped in arsenic and they've sent one of their children outside to disconnect our brakes.
No wonder I never get any sleep.
I blame the Snuggie.
If you feel you must look, here's a picture of some poor soul wearing the leopard print one.
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