"You've ruined me," she said flatly. "Completely ruined me."
I was suffering yesterday with what I'll term a "stomach complaint" (I'll spare you the details), so I was feeling a little ruined myself. "What are you talking about?" I asked plaintively. "Can you get me a cup of ginger tea? And maybe one saltine cracker?"
"I mean it. You have ruined me. Every time I see a road sign or some internet posting or whatever that uses there, they're or their incorrectly, it just goes all over my nerves like vomit on a Ferris wheel."
"Nice image," I said approvingly. "Very descriptive and imaginative. Now, tell me....what about to, too and two?"
"Were and we're?"
"Its and it's?"
"You're and your?"
"Utterly demolished. I can no longer tolerate usage errors and want to beat people with a large and heavy grammar book when I read them."
Joy suffused my entire being and my stomach complaint quieted down as I clasped my hands beneath my chin and closed my eyes in delight. "My work here is done. Finished! I have climbed the mountain, braved the elements, struggled over stony paths and come to this place to claim my victory."
She looked at me, one eyebrow raised. "We're out of saltines."
"Okay. Just a cup of tea, then," I said, crestfallen.