"Mommy," said Meelyn hesitantly, yesterday evening, "I think I may have done a bad thing."
"Oh, really? What was that?"
"Well, when I was eating breakfast while Aisli and I were watching TV, I took out my retainer and wrapped it in a napkin and left it on the end table and now it isn't there."
"Meelyn," I said with a great deal of irritated force, "how many times have I told you to never, ever, wrap your retainer in a napkin? Or a tissue? Or in a sock, an old army blanket, or the flag of these United States? You are never supposed to wrap your retainer in anything, just for this precise reason!"
"I know, I know...." she said miserably. "I'll go through the kitchen wastebasket."
While she was engaged on this task (which I was observing with my hands on my hips), my husband came wandering in to grab a can of Coke out of the fridge and said, "Why are you going through the trash?"
"I, uhmm, wrapped my retainer in a napkin this morning and put it on the end table and now it isn't there," she explained, not meeting her father's eye.
A pained expression came onto his face and he said bleakly, "Oh. So that's what crunched when I crumpled up the newspapers and that napkin that were littering up the end table and the floor."
Just then, Meelyn triumphantly pulled a wadded up napkin from the wastebasket and unfolded it, only to find her $130 retainer inside -- the second replacement -- neatly snapped in half.
[Edited to say: Meelyn now has an orthodontist appointment at 9:00 on Wednesday to get that new retainer. I plan to take my debit card and some smelling salts, just in case I need to be revived. Gaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!]
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