Assisting in my mother's cultural education

Mom, I know it was a difficult blow, finding out that Elvis was a user. Even though you never really liked him all that much, preferring Pat Boone when all was said and done. (And how you ended up with a daughter who decorated her bedroom walls with huge, vulgar posters of Aerosmith and Led Zeppelin, I have no clue.)

You absorbed the news about Rock Hudson's orientation quite calmly.

But now I have something else to tell you, and you may want to sit down. I know you shook this man's hand when you were a teenager and he was a United States senator, but I think the fact that he was a Democrat will help you keep this news in perspective - I know how you feel about Democrats, except for Susie.

Mom, John F. Kennedy had an affair with Marilyn Monroe.

I hate to be the one to break it to you.

Are you okay?


Marilyn and JFK were more than "just friends."
Sorry, Mom...